1. |
A Beast
03:33
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I do not speak of the ache in my shoulders
They bear the burdens I willingly paid for
You have your own they live deep in the folds of your cynical mind like mice
I have been bit by them two times or thrice
And the skin on my hand became tough to the touch
Now they sleep deeply you oil the crease of my palm
In all my dreams I’m more careful than kind
Keep my two hands clean and my tongue on ice
I dare you and dare you to fool me twice
I’d pay any price to be right
Cause you didn’t speak until it got real bad
You didn’t speak then you broke what you had
Let time run its course
I never could forget but I’ll forgive like a dog
Somewhere in my bones these wounds they make their homes but I’m glad you’re home
I wait by the door licking the floor
How long can a man ignore a beast and her sores
I knew a girl who makes bare of the world
Because the light that she wears takes more eyes than is fair
She holds the weight of a heart that yearns foremost to love
I saw her love and read her lover’s love
She burned red I turned green did I know anything but when
Push came to shove love it wasn’t enough we know nothing
Cause he didn’t speak until it got real bad
He didn’t speak are we to go mad
Must time run its course
I never could forget but I’ll forgive like a dog
Somewhere in my bones these wounds they make their homes but I’m glad you’re home
I wait by the door licking the floor
How long can a man ignore a beast and her sores
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2. |
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Raising hell like that which can rise
From conditions unsterilized
Cracks and corners sought like sunshine
Makes a keen eye feel so blind
I can see you all the while
Falling inwards like you meant to
This old film I can’t quite sit through
Now I want to be alone without you
Someone's walking out the back door
Someone's drinking on the front porch
Two shoulders from my left shoulder
Wet lips spoke my name in code and
Three steps from the source of water
Pushing through to leave the center
Hits me like a bullet proper
We will all forget this place some day
I'm gonna die where is the time
Two hours took their shortcuts
Three am and nothing for us
All the music fades to chaos
All the debts and promises
Fulfilled blindly celebrated
Someone’s lost their goddamn wallet
I’m the one who’s not forgotten
We’re all goners we’re all goners Now
Automatic auto pilot
This machine is idiosyncratic
You’ll turn leftwards I’ll step backwards
Check my pulse until I’m better
Now I can see, I don’t want to leave
I’m here to claim what was promised me
Check the living room, target on the move
Once I find you, I won’t follow you
Now there’s still time to take the back door
There’s still time to catch the ardor
Drinking on the bitter water
Turn us up for worse or better
At some point I’ve seen these pictures
Art class neon oily specters
Portrait of the hostess tragic
She has never cried a day in her life
The chill is in, let’s stave it off
You tell the joke, I’ll start the laugh
We’ll find the stash and tip one back
Whose joke was this? And here’s the trap
I see it all and all I see
Is we are nothing actually
And you are nothing actually
And I am nothing actually
I guess we’re not to worry
I guess we shouldn’t worry
We’re all goners we’re all goners Now
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3. |
I'm Afraid Of Everything
03:19
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I’m afraid of everything
And everyone and everyone
Catch me in some fearless state
It won’t be long it won’t be long
What am I what am I to do
Everything I fear I’ll see comes true
Cause I’m afraid of everything
And everyone and everyone
Catch that filly tie her up
She can’t be trusted not to run
What am I what am I to do
Every word of warning rings so true
I should want what all folks want to love and be thought kindly of
I will speak the common tongue you are the only only one
If I say it loud enough can I be done can I be done
What are you what are you to do
Everything I say is a half truth
I should want what all folks want to love and be thought kindly of
I’m so proud of all my friends and still I have to get the best of them
Because I’m afraid of everything and everyone and everyone
Yes I’m afraid of everything
And everyone
And everyone
And everyone
And everyone
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4. |
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My old friend she used to be a dick
She’s got millions of holes in her map by now and what’d she get So smart such a part time fool
Putting up her paint just to rile up the crew
And I stood still beside her
Warming her plans while she laid out the others
Now I’m so glad I wasn’t her
I was catching the glow and then going back to mother
I’ve got a moment I’ll write it and spill it
Cause the illness is creeping in
Who can I pin it on well
She stole all the light front the room
I was the better friend
I was one of the few
And they all caught up to you
Tore up the pavement like I knew they would
And this is entirely half true
I’m gonna bleed out the colors so I don’t hurt you
You can’t blame a kid any more than a dog
Any move that she made
Was the natural call
Though I wish I could claim I was above it all
I was there the whole time I just watched
If I was let in maybe I’d take the fall
And the world would be strange to behold from this hole
But I was scared and ashamed
And I ran from the frame
As I still do today
As I still do today
But I cannot blame...
I can’t blame a kid any more
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5. |
Broken Down Boys
03:36
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Wild, you flew across the room
And bounced against the walls your arms
Were painted gray like the hearth that birthed you Into a house that you should’ve never entered
I left you in the desert with a broken down tent you said Your Mother would get you back for this
I had just one sip
Of your water it smelled acrid
But it tasted sweet , How can it be, How can it
You tell me that you cannot sing of broken down girls no more It’s no good look it’s just a country hook
Besides you’re older now,
Got your own shit to work out
And so do I but my eyes are wide
And here and there are pieces of these Broken down boys
I typed the names in every square
To find out whether time was fair
But I never got the spelling right
I looked through friends of friends of friends The circle broke scattered in the wind
And Aaron lives in a hospital now
You told tales of bruises, twisted ankles
Half made homes and a bed gone cold
And I was another hungry girl
I said can I take a picture of you
Print it out and frame it in blue
Hang it on the wall of my room
Keep it close to make myself feel better Keep it close to make myself feel older
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6. |
Japanese Waitress
04:12
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Pour me a glass I know this week we said we’d stay dry
But Jesus I thought that man would never leave
His suit is from Texas the room it bulged from the sheer size of his body and pride He asked me when I would walk on his back
I just had to laugh and fill up his glass
He looks at me when he says that his son needs a girl
Like I wait around for duty to call on me
But I must move on cause my boss says to evenly scatter my youth and my praise I must love them all the most and the same
I hate pouring tea, it’s not what I studied to do
I will pour the tea, that’s what they pay me to do
Yuko she waits for a man to buy up all her time
She may not look it but she’s getting too old for this
Still she smiles when she speaks of the father her children lost He was a real rocket scientist
Now she works her shifts and goes home and feeds her kids
She will pour the tea, it’s what she is trained to do But not like this and not for you
They say go be free, quit this place now and follow your dreams I caught myself watching the blue sky like it was a prize
Jose says my hands could be softer than they in fact are
He tells me if I have the chance I must go be a star
He spent twenty years building his dream on his hard earned Beaverton property Says he’s selling it soon, he’s scared of this country
Says he’s moving back south, he’s scared of this country
I will pour the tea, I know they will pay me
I will pour the tea cause art is not free
Now I lay back tomorrow comes round too fast So Matthew please won’t you pour me a glass
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7. |
Perfect Heart
03:34
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These wrists they are but fragile things They twist to mold to company
And shaky hold up any two things Balanced blindly, bending rashly
And if them tendons bruise so be it
I repair them after every use, so be it
These hands they write down everything On feeding patterns and breathing cadence Comparing notes with poets of last century They say honey, you’re temporary
And so are you, so be it
And if you choose to be alone
I’ll break even
And all the lonely parts
They won’t speak, they won’t speak, they won’t speak
And all the Angry parts
They’ve hidden their teeth deep in the dark
And all the selfish parts
They take what they get and they hold their tongues And this Perfect heart
It does what it does
These legs they take on all the world
They’re strong and they do what they’re told Walk thirteen miles three days sore
Reach the outskirts and go ten more
And if they must carry me from this place so be it
Cause this city holds such precious things
While it Burns the tongue and bothers sleep and Sucks me dry through my staring eye
But I learn to walk and with my body lie
And I’m lying pretty damn well these days
And if it didn’t sell I was keeping it anyways
If he ran away I was sick of him anyways, so
And all the lonely parts,
They won’t speak, they won’t speak, they won’t speak And all the Angry parts
They’ve hidden their teeth deep in the dark
And all the selfish parts
They take what they get and they hold their tongues
And all the Broken parts
They’re set and they’re taped and they get it done and my Two clear eyes
They’re painted vacant, they do not defy And this worn out line
It suits me just fine let’s not waste our time Oh I really did try
No matter, no matter, it’s fine because this Perfect heart
It does what it does
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8. |
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Evening it falls like a parachute twisted
The daytime thoughts sifted through dust
Something it glinted it shone for a moment
A dying light begged to be caught
But the candles burned down and we routed ourselves by the sound
The insects in the ground
I fight to be free and I fight not to care
But the water is gone and next is the air
On and on you say this can’t go on
On and on my dear it won’t be long
Morning it breaks we’re alive but we’re lost
The dust killed our garden quicker than frost You say,
Adeline, you will always be mine
I brought you here I’ll get you out when it’s time
For I’ve never seen your dress so unclean
And your wedding band makes ghosts of your hands
They used to play for me now they just pray for me
Poor sweet thing, What I’ve made you believe
On and on you say this can’t go on
on and on my dear it won’t be long
But darling, don’t take me when you’re ready to go I may be a fool but I’m no child I can be left alone.
Fear took a form, never seen such a sight
Oh half past noon and black as night
You put your hand on the box of the gun
As we gaze at the storm with nowhere to run
From that day on you kept close to that gun
One eye on the sky half dead and half drunk
Swore on your life and on all that you had
That I’d never be without my man
Close your eyes the storm will make you blind
Close your eyes I’m here right by your side
Close your eyes and take my kindness
Close your pretty eyes we cannot fight this
But darling don’t take me when you’re ready to go
I am such a fool but I’m no child I can be left alone
And I too miss the money
And I miss the honey
And how you once touched me It’s gone, It’s gone
But I’d rather shed my tears alone in this forsaken room
Than sleep now forever with you
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9. |
Boy
05:03
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My past is bigger than me
Presses me down in my sleep
I had enough for the bus
You had enough to love me
The pictures find me in the dark
I chase them out I bark
But I’ll never do you no harm
Cause I go weak in your arms
So pardon me please, I am green, I am weak, I just need someone next to my body
You’ve got some years on me
You’ve got the dignity
I’ll keep you company
If you were bad for me
You’d still stay in bed with me
Your anger sleeps neath your skin
My memories eat from within
But you have your medicine
And I have my medicine
She keeps her eyes off of me
Windowsill tabletop boxes I carry
I nod and you say that she doesn’t have sway
But someday It will mean something
Will me to walk out the door what’s the score
Because I did the worse thing before and once more
Well you have your own crimes I’m just one dick in line
Keep me foremost in mind I’ll be fine
Cause you don’t need me to be free
I’m walking through streets as the moon follows me
Yet here you are on my cellphone screen you are
Miles away and you are lonely
You are miles away and you are lovely
So pardon me please, I am green, I am weak
I just need someone next to my body
You’ve got some years on me
You’ve got the dignity
I’ll keep you company
You could be better to me
Still you will never leave
I know I'm wrong for you
I happy belong to you
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10. |
Pay to Play
03:30
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Flat white thick skin
Two by fours and two inch screws
I have
Built this platform
For your weekly conference meeting
The rates are good for you
Better than they should be
It cost me more than it will for you
But I
Pay to be free
I could get a real job if I wanted the nice things
Now I’m hungry
I have your praise now won’t you pay me?
I love the race, I love the rain, I love the game I pay to play I pay to play
Two more orders and another quarter
Ten more bucks and a better shot
Two more checks and I can quit this serving Five more years
Five more years
Take all the money from us baby, we don’t deserve it
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11. |
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I walk through the MOMA, try to burn out the smell
Of the cosmetic anger, digital hell
My feet flat on the city, I let my body learn
I loved this place when I met you, being here makes me burn
Out on the terrace, double ledge from the wall
Just as well I feel weak, always think I may fall,
Now the fog’s rolling in it’s the promising hour
I’d be heading home soon to drink a strong 22
Shave and pretend not to wait for you
Your city is dead, My city is dying,
It’s all fair I guess, It never really was mine
Home always changes, It’s the nature of life
All I have is my body for a place, for a time
Best wishes, XO, hugs and kisses, goodbye
Basement apartment, shaggy brown carpet
Rock hard queen bed, rock star phantoms
Mike tells me Jack and Meg slept here once too
I did pray to the room won’t you send me a tune
Now it’s glitter on the asphalt, paying out the ass for a
Studio on the outskirts, coffee, and a clean shirt
We talk shit about them they talk shit about us
This place used to be nice before they messed it up
And whenever you got here, it wasn’t quite soon enough
People fall into debt and they fall out of love
And they look down the street and say I knew you once
And they look down the street say what have you become
Your city is dead, My city is dying
It’s all fair I guess, It never really was mine.
I loved you once, For a place for a time
Home always changes, you will be just fine
Best wishes, XO, hugs and kisses, goodbye
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MAITA Portland, Oregon
"I Just Want To Be Wild For You" available now on Kill Rock Stars.
MAITA uses her songs -- bursting, overflowing with language and sharp turns of phrase -- as a forum for unvarnished expression."- KEXP
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